Peace! No matter what happens....

We met with the Birth mother today! She is soooo nice. I Love her already. It is a kind of love that the Lord puts in your heart immediately. She has the SWEETEST spirit. I feel as though I have known her a very long time. I know in my heart that ONLY the LORD could've orcestrated this entire situation so....I am at peace. I know that when Darrell and I were driving to meet her we were praying for God to give us a peace about this decision.. We also prayed that He would allow us to know if this was not HIS will. I was so nervous. As you can imagine. We have been hurt so bad and so many times in the past. It did not take 5 minutes until we were talking and sharing. When we left we felt such a peace that we were doing the will of God. We truly have a peace that surpasses all understanding!!!! We do not know if we will adopt this little one but we are going to be still and see what God has in store for us. THEN.....When we thought the day couldn't get any better. We received an e-mail from our China Adoption Coordinator!!!! E-mail stated: Dear Missy: CCAA has started the process of matching your dossier with Qi Nan Nan. YIKES!!!! This is really happening and FAST!!! I am over the moon!!! This Christmas we will finally....... after 18 years of marriage have our family complete!!! UHM....I think! You never know! JK!!!

Jesus took MY punishment!

This is the lesson that Josy had in Children's Church today. She was talking and talking about it on the way home. I am thrilled she likes to go to church and she is growing in Knowledge. Although, this evening when she got in a bit of trouble she tried to say that it was alright because.....as she quoted, "JESUS TOOK MY PUNISHMENT" meaning she should not get in trouble!!!! UHM.... well that is not how it works my sweet Josy!!!! Yes HE did take the punishment for His Children. But that does not mean that we can intentionally do bad things because we think that Jesus will forgive us. When we have the Holy Spirit living in us He compells us to do things that please God. Yes we still sin, but we are truly repentant. I pray that God will bring her to HIMSELF and her eyes will be opened to the FULLNESS of the GOSPEL. I pray that one day she will be a mighty follower of Christ.

I am in SHOCK!!!

I talked to Gail and the missionary family feels this in not the time for them to adopt a baby. We are going to continue to pray about this situation. SO many things are going through my mind. We would not be able to send all of the children to private school. They would not have LOTS of material things. I think about activities and eating out. All the stuff that costs a fortune now to do. I am 38. I would be 58 when my youngest is 20. But...then I think what does God want for our life????? If HE has orchestrated this situation then may HE have HIS way. May He receive all the GLORY AND PRAISE. I know that HE will provide for all of our needs. I must rest in the assurance that HE is STILL IN CONTROL.........

Remember the post office???

We are waiting patiently for the LORD. We do know that China has our documents for our CHINA DOLL!!! I have to say I feel like this is our daughter already. I will be disappointed if something goes wrong. I am trying to TRUST AND OBEY the Lord. Below is an e-mail that I received from Gail about the God Ordained post office meeting with Ken. We will know what the missionary family has decided to do....will they feel led to adopt this unborn child or will it be another step of faith on our part????? God have your way! Lead out lives in a way that we may bring glory and honor to you!!!!!! Patiently seeking HIS will and direction for our life...... Until tomorrow!

You know you are getting OLD when....

Your husband keeps you up all night with his snoring!!!!!! I understand why older people have their own bedroom!!!! This big house may come in handy in our old age.......

Daddy' welcome home breakfast.....

Darrell got in last night after midnight. I had not told Josy that he was on his way home, for fear of disappointing her. I was afraid he would be delayed, with International travel you never know. During the night Josy came to get in the bed with me and she ask "Mommy who is that?" It was sooo dark she could not tell it was Darrell. I told her daddy and she snuggled up and went fast to sleep. A SWEET welcome home for daddy! Normally when Darrell comes home I make biscuits and gravy. His favorite. Boy was he surprised this morning. Josy got up EARLY before anyone and she made breakfast all by herself!! PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES!!!!She was so proud of herself. She ran up the stairs to wake up her BUBBA!!! The look on Bubba's face was priceless when he saw the breakfast menu!!! LOL!!! Darrell was so sweet with her, he sit there and eat every bite. I tried to give him mine while Josy was not looking. A half sandwich was all he could handle. Johnathan hid what he couldn't eat in the trash when Josy went into her room for a minute. When she came back she walked around and checked to see if we had eaten it all. Then she wanted to make more, uuhm. No thanks baby girl!!! Daddy we are so glad you are home!

TRUST AND PATIENCE!!!!!

NO news about the adoption. I have been at peace today about it. Some days are easy and some~~not so much! I hope for a speedy LOA. The LOA is the OFFICIAL YES from China that says we have been matched with the baby. The difference in PA and LOA is the PA says they agree to consider our family for adoption of the baby. The LOA means they have given the FINAL OK for us to adopt Qi Nan Nan. It all is sooo hard. Remember we are in a real different situation with this adoption because of switching agencies. There are no guarantees, until we get LOA!!!! I am not good at the unknown. Please help me LORD with this waiting!

Johnathan's Spring Break!

Johnathan is SUPER obsessive over his car!! He lives, eats, and breathes Mustang. I guess it is a Boy Thing! Several people have asked why we don't buy him a Mustang that is already fixed. Well, my answer is this~~please don't flame me! If you have to work for something you will appreciate it more. Yes we could have bought him one~but he loves to work on his car. Yes he does gets frustrated at times that the car is not done yesterday, but that is the way the REAL world works. Anything worth having is worth working for and it does not come overnight. At least for me it hasn't. I want him to understand that he is a very capable person and he is able to accomplish anything he sets his mind too. HE IS BRILLIANT, you know!!! Yes we could have bought him one, but where is the lesson in that? I truly believe that one day he will look back and be thankful for this lesson.

MORE MEMORIES!!!

I know you can hardly tell what this is, but it is an old cedar tree being loaded into the bed of the truck. This is a cedar tree that my great grandfather planted many years ago. When my mom started renovating the farm house the tree had to be cut. So she made arrangements to have it picked up and cut into pieces. Mom said she would like to have the tree made into a hope chest. How cool would that be~~I love the idea!

What would Spring break be without a little MUD???

No frills for this country girl! Notice her shirt, it is on inside out... At least she has on clothes, right?

What are you up to Lord?

I went to the post office today to mail off the agency fees for the baby. Turns out Ken Taggart was there and he wanted me to call Gail and talk to her and then pray before we made a final decision. He knows a birth mother and they would like for us to consider that option. I left the post office with documents in hand. I called Gail and she said that we should know something by next week. I explained to her that Darrell and I had prayerfull sought the Lord's Direction about adopting from China. I told her we had been praying about this and expanding our family with adoption. She then laughed and said maybe he is going to really expand your family with 2 babies. I called Darrell and went into the situation at hand. I was driving and did not even realize where I was going. We discussed the situation and we felt lead to stay on the path that we know that the Lord has us on. I went to the post office in Rockford and sent the documents and fees. We are taking it a step at a time and prayerfully considering what the Lord will have us do in the future regarding this whole situation. The one thing that I know right now is that my baby girl is waiting for me in China. One day at a time, one step at a time.I took Sherrie shopping and we were driving home in the fog. I told her the fog reminded me of my life. Meaning that I can not see very far ahead. God did not give me a flash light to see into the future. He allows me a lamp that lights my path just enough to see immediately in front of me. Instead of looking for the beaming light that would light up the whole city, I pray that I can be content to know that the Lord gives me the ability to see exactly what I need to see. I must walk in the moment and not in the future. Continually asking His leadership for ALL aspects in ALL areas of this beautiful, wonderful foggy life.

This is for REAL!! We got PA!!!!

I opened my e-mail this morning and there it was. We REALLY did get our Pre-Approval to adopt Qi NanNAn. I cried and cried. I can not believe this is going so well. It is surely the will of God. I am so excited. I called Darrell in Poland, of course, I was crying and said " we got PA we really got PA. Now come on with the LOA-Letter Of Acceptance. I made an appointment to meet with our social worker on Monday to fill out our I-600A. This will allow us to bring the baby back into the states. Is this HAPPENING??? FOR REAL???? God is so good. We officially switched agencies today. So that means we have a whopping $4500 that is now due. UGH! I keep reminding myself, GOD WILL PROVIDE!! Did I tell you we should be traveling in 3 MONTHS???? I pray for a rapid LOA and this to go fast. I think God is teaching me patience and trust. He is teaching me that no matter what I DO I CAN NOT CONTROL this situation!! You know what? He handles it better than me anyway! YAHOO~~~We GOT OUR PA!!!! Thank you Lord!

Ramblings of a Psycho~Not Really Just ME!!!

We have still not received PA. Ugh! I did e-mail our current agency to let them know we are waiting for PA on Qi Nannan. I talked to the new agency VIA e-mail and she said that she felt it was not going to be a problem . I am concerned that our family is getting VERY EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED. This makes me happy, but nervous at the same time. Ma maw Sherrie wanted a picture to show all her friends at school. Ma maw Pete called and wanted to know why I had not called her and told her about "our" new baby? Papaw Jady had proudly announced the news when he went for a visit. My Mom ask every time I talk to her "heard anything about the baby?" I am so happy that this little girl, our daughter, has a family that is so willing to embrace her. We are blessed. I worry that something will happen and our family will have their heart broke. Oh please help me Lord. Help me walk in your way and have the faith to believe that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD FOR THOSE WHOM ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE. I feel my daughter is waiting in China. If this is not the LORDS WILL so be it. I accept that. I just do not want our family hurt again in this process. UH~~You know what? It just occurred to me that I am trying to control this situation. I am trying to limit the amount of people that are told to protect them. UM~~That is GOD'S job.....He is at work and I need to rest in that. I feel better. Maybe PA tomorrow???

Will our Pre-Approval to adopt the baby come from China today???

I have been more relaxed about all this lately. But, I do admit I think several times a day, when is our PA going to arrive. I was looking at a China talk forum and they were discussing "SWITCHING AGENCIES", UGH! When this adoption goes through we can honestly say that it was a miracle straight from the hand of GOD Himself. I talked with Darrell, he is in Poland for work. He said he feels confident about this adoption and he is just waiting. Funny, this is the first time that we have both have felt at peace at the same time! I really believe this baby is our daughter. I am a little scared to tell a lot of people because of them being disappointed. Ma maw has evidently told quite a few people and I am OK with that. My only concern is that this will all fall through and so many friends and family will be sooo disappointed. I believe this is Gods WILL and I feel certain that it will happen, but I still have a bit of DOUBT. Lord, HELP my doubt to know that IF this is your WILL you are VERY CAPABLE of making this happen REGARDLESS of the Chinese government rules!!!! The odds, humanly speaking, of this happening are slim to none. So I am sitting and waiting for MY GOD to do the work and bring our daughter home! Please Please let us get PA today!

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!

Today has been a very good day. My Mother-In-Law took the day off from work and we went shopping. I worked until 11:30 and the we spent almost the rest of the day shopping. She bought me some really nice stuff. I had a great day! But~~the stuff she bought was not what made my day special. It was the fact that she loves me enough to want to spend my birthday with me. My Mom knew that I had made plans with Sherrie so she brought my birthday cake to me yesterday. While I was shopping I left my phone in the car and she had left me a message saying Happy Birthday and that I had made her a proud momma for many years now! It is so funny to me that she thinks I am the one that blesses her! In reality, I am the one that is blessed to have a momma like I do! I am blessed to have TWO moms in my life that love me sooo much! The day was great, but I was hoping to have received our PA today! THAT would have made for a even better BIRTHDAY! Hoping for tomorrow!!!

Say What Lord????

This past week has been full of surprises. It all started when I was on one of my many forums about Chinese adoption. It was talking about access to the shared list of children that are available for adoption. Our agency does not choose to match off of this list. SO~~being the nosey rosie that I am, I wanted a peak! I signed up to receive the list. I did not know what to expect. I was VERY surprised that many of the children had very mild, manageable special needs. SO~~I requested to see the files of a couple of young girls. I did not think about it again. Well, it is policy that once the agency LOCKS a file you only have 48 hour to decide if you want to pursue the adoption. Well, I checked my e-mail when there was only like 6 hours left. The files were attached of the girls that were available. They informed me that one of the girls files that I requested was unavailable. I proceeded to take a look at the files and quickly decided that their special needs were a little more that what we felt we could handle. As I was finishing I noticed another e-mail. It was the file for the other little girl. I opened it and was not prepared for what was in the file. It was the sweetest baby girl! She was so chunky and she looked soooo healthy. Her Cleft Lip had been repaired. I immediately ask Darrell to take a look. He was not as intrigued. He said that he really liked our life as it was, although he was not totally against it. Remember we only had 6 hours to take a look. Well, we were down to about 4. Darrell wanted me to check her growth on a growth chart. So I did. We contacted Julie, a friend that has a SN daughter for her advise. She took a look at her picture and her medical information and said that she would definitely go for it. We really did not know what to do???? The agency knew that we would have to switch agencies. Some agencies were not allowing their clients to switch. So we had a lot of decisions to make and very little time to think and get the facts. Finally, after much panic we sent off the letter of intent to adopt this baby girl. We were running around getting passport photos and getting the paperwork submitted. We had until 10:00Pm. Believe me, we cut it close. When Darrell sent the last form I looked at the clock and it was 10:00 on the dot. Whew! The lady at the agency said that we could back our application out of the system if we changed our minds. Also, if we had her medical reviewed by a doctor and they found something that indicated another SN we could back out. We did not even know if we could switch agencies. In all chances,they would not allow it to happen. So we were not holding our breath. We were advised to go ahead and send in the letter of intent to adopt so that the baby would not go back into the system. At which point she would have been grabbed up. I was not ready to let go of this little one just yet. The next day I called our agency and they said they knew nothing about CCAA allowing families to switch agencies. They said they would check and get back to me. They checked and were told that this was not a policy that CCAA likes to do. They advised us that this process is very risky and many things could go wrong. They did say that they WOULD RELEASE OUR DOSSIER in China to the other agency for the purpose of adopting this baby girl at the other agency. It was a miracle. So I told the agency with the baby and they called CCAA to let them know our current agency was going to relinquish the Dossier turns out China has changed the rule on this policy and they are not allowing this. OK~~~this must not be God's will for our family. The next thing I know the lady at the agency with the baby had called China on our behalf again. They would not give her a guarantee that this child could be placed with us since we were with another agency! UGH! Back to square one! Not God's will! OK! Then she called China again and they said they would not give any guarantees but for her to have us send our paperwork to them. OK~~here we go again. Decisions!!! She said she feels 95% sure this can happen. This was a new policy. Turns out it only lasted a few days until CCAA decided not to let people switch agencies. Oh, did I mention they did not tell anyone they changed their mind? Turns out we submitted our letter of intent to adopt this child in the midst of them changing this short lived policy. We know that IF this adoption happens it will be a MIRACLE. So we begin to PRAY and ask God what He wants us to do. I start thinking about the economy and I decide that it is too risky at this time. My nerves were absolutely shot and I had decided that God did not want us to go through with this adoption. It was going to be months of uncertainty. Anyone who knows me knows I am not good at uncertainty. I like a guarantee. Well, while I was coming to this conclusion Darrell was coming to the conclusion that we should proceed! What? SO~~on to the updates for our Dossier that has been in China since 2006. We had let everything expire. Darrell took off from work and we started PAPER CHASING!!! I could not get anyone to look at the babies medical information. Then God placed the director of nurses, Dion at Foothills Pediatric at the right place at the right time. She took the file and saw to it that we got the information that we needed to proceed. This led to where we are..... WAITING to see IF China is going to grant us the OK???? After sleepless nights I have resolved to this: GOD IS IN CONTROL. If this is our daughter I want to go get her. If this is someone else's little girl I want Him to put a stumbling block in our path. I want what HE desires and regardless of the outcome, we have resolved to say HAVE THINE OWN WAY LORD! Our money is GOD'S, and if he wants us to spend this money in such an uncertain time then we are going too. I know that God is teaching us something through this whole process. I know that there are no guarantees that this baby will be ours. But, I do KNOW that this is God's will for our family that we walk this path at this time.

Spring is in the Air!

Today my mom and I went to the grave yard to plant daffodils on my grantparents grave. This is a tiny country grave yard that is so private. It is near our house and there are no restrictions about planting flowers, I hope! LOL!! I know this may seem weird to you but there is a story. When I was a little girl my papaw would ALWAYS take me out in the field beside his house to pick the daffodils. It was like "our tradition." SO~~~ this year we took the daffodils to papaw. I know this would have made him so happy. We thought that we would go on a Sunday afternoon so no one would be around. WRONG! It must have been decoration or something. While we were there I saw more people come and go in that afternoon than in the whole 3 years he has been gone! Figures. As I was digging I told mom that NORMAL people bring artificial flowers and she just laughed. We had so much fun thinking about how papaw would have loved seeing us out there bringing a "piece of the farm" to him. My Mom really wanted to do this she said one day when we are all dead and gone there will still be flowers on their grave every spring. That is soooo like my mom. Thinking of the simple things in life. I love that about her. We do not have the head stone placed on mamaw's grave yet. We planted the daffodils at the foot of her grave. Mom thought that we could get tulips out of her yard and plant them at the head of her grave.

Oh how I miss him!!!! He was such a strong influence in my life. Living on the family farm does not hurt so much anymore. I thought when he died I would not be able to continue living here. My heart ached! I would keep my blinds closed so it was easier. Now.....three years later.....it is easier. I know I am where he would want me to be. I especially enjoy yard work in the summer because I know if he was alive he would be in his garage. It is a peace now to live and walk on the land that my family has lived and worked on for generations. Johnathan has a t-shirt that he wears that says LONG LIVE THE FAMILY FARM!!! Every time I see him in it I smile and think how smart he is to only be seventeen! Oh, and how his papaw Mel would've been soooooooooo proud of him!

Who needs a sand box???

This is the first real warm day we have had so far. Josy loved getting outside and just digging in the dirt. She loves to look for worms! I am so glad it is getting warmer and she can be outside more. I took this picture because this is the FIRST time I have allowed her to be outside by herself. I was cleaning and had the windows open. When I told her to go play she was like "who's gonna watch me?" I told her I could see her and if she got scared to just yell for me. She did great and SO DID I!!!

Daffodil Memories!

Every year when I was a girl papaw would take me to pick daffodils in the field. Then when Johnathan was little he would pick them. Now it is Josy Girl's turn! These are the SAME daffodils in the SAME field! I love thinking about the past and how papaw would've loved seeing his great grandchildren carrying on the tradition he started years ago!

Stopping to notice a car

A little wave, how cute!

My pretty Josy Girl!

Is that Nana? And...she is off.... Priceless!!!!

Josy likes to pretend she knows how to do Karate. She also has been going through a phase where she pretends she is meditating????? Silly girl!!!! Johnathan and Papaw. I guess he is too big for picking flowers!