Say What Lord????

This past week has been full of surprises. It all started when I was on one of my many forums about Chinese adoption. It was talking about access to the shared list of children that are available for adoption. Our agency does not choose to match off of this list. SO~~being the nosey rosie that I am, I wanted a peak! I signed up to receive the list. I did not know what to expect. I was VERY surprised that many of the children had very mild, manageable special needs. SO~~I requested to see the files of a couple of young girls. I did not think about it again. Well, it is policy that once the agency LOCKS a file you only have 48 hour to decide if you want to pursue the adoption. Well, I checked my e-mail when there was only like 6 hours left. The files were attached of the girls that were available. They informed me that one of the girls files that I requested was unavailable. I proceeded to take a look at the files and quickly decided that their special needs were a little more that what we felt we could handle. As I was finishing I noticed another e-mail. It was the file for the other little girl. I opened it and was not prepared for what was in the file. It was the sweetest baby girl! She was so chunky and she looked soooo healthy. Her Cleft Lip had been repaired. I immediately ask Darrell to take a look. He was not as intrigued. He said that he really liked our life as it was, although he was not totally against it. Remember we only had 6 hours to take a look. Well, we were down to about 4. Darrell wanted me to check her growth on a growth chart. So I did. We contacted Julie, a friend that has a SN daughter for her advise. She took a look at her picture and her medical information and said that she would definitely go for it. We really did not know what to do???? The agency knew that we would have to switch agencies. Some agencies were not allowing their clients to switch. So we had a lot of decisions to make and very little time to think and get the facts. Finally, after much panic we sent off the letter of intent to adopt this baby girl. We were running around getting passport photos and getting the paperwork submitted. We had until 10:00Pm. Believe me, we cut it close. When Darrell sent the last form I looked at the clock and it was 10:00 on the dot. Whew! The lady at the agency said that we could back our application out of the system if we changed our minds. Also, if we had her medical reviewed by a doctor and they found something that indicated another SN we could back out. We did not even know if we could switch agencies. In all chances,they would not allow it to happen. So we were not holding our breath. We were advised to go ahead and send in the letter of intent to adopt so that the baby would not go back into the system. At which point she would have been grabbed up. I was not ready to let go of this little one just yet. The next day I called our agency and they said they knew nothing about CCAA allowing families to switch agencies. They said they would check and get back to me. They checked and were told that this was not a policy that CCAA likes to do. They advised us that this process is very risky and many things could go wrong. They did say that they WOULD RELEASE OUR DOSSIER in China to the other agency for the purpose of adopting this baby girl at the other agency. It was a miracle. So I told the agency with the baby and they called CCAA to let them know our current agency was going to relinquish the Dossier turns out China has changed the rule on this policy and they are not allowing this. OK~~~this must not be God's will for our family. The next thing I know the lady at the agency with the baby had called China on our behalf again. They would not give her a guarantee that this child could be placed with us since we were with another agency! UGH! Back to square one! Not God's will! OK! Then she called China again and they said they would not give any guarantees but for her to have us send our paperwork to them. OK~~here we go again. Decisions!!! She said she feels 95% sure this can happen. This was a new policy. Turns out it only lasted a few days until CCAA decided not to let people switch agencies. Oh, did I mention they did not tell anyone they changed their mind? Turns out we submitted our letter of intent to adopt this child in the midst of them changing this short lived policy. We know that IF this adoption happens it will be a MIRACLE. So we begin to PRAY and ask God what He wants us to do. I start thinking about the economy and I decide that it is too risky at this time. My nerves were absolutely shot and I had decided that God did not want us to go through with this adoption. It was going to be months of uncertainty. Anyone who knows me knows I am not good at uncertainty. I like a guarantee. Well, while I was coming to this conclusion Darrell was coming to the conclusion that we should proceed! What? SO~~on to the updates for our Dossier that has been in China since 2006. We had let everything expire. Darrell took off from work and we started PAPER CHASING!!! I could not get anyone to look at the babies medical information. Then God placed the director of nurses, Dion at Foothills Pediatric at the right place at the right time. She took the file and saw to it that we got the information that we needed to proceed. This led to where we are..... WAITING to see IF China is going to grant us the OK???? After sleepless nights I have resolved to this: GOD IS IN CONTROL. If this is our daughter I want to go get her. If this is someone else's little girl I want Him to put a stumbling block in our path. I want what HE desires and regardless of the outcome, we have resolved to say HAVE THINE OWN WAY LORD! Our money is GOD'S, and if he wants us to spend this money in such an uncertain time then we are going too. I know that God is teaching us something through this whole process. I know that there are no guarantees that this baby will be ours. But, I do KNOW that this is God's will for our family that we walk this path at this time.